everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
50% drunk capacity currently
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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