just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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