i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
