I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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