goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
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when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
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Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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