I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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