i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
