That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
