my vag is so smooth its legendary
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i came on her dog
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
