I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
