he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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