lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
