I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
