how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
