it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
