Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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