Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
