i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
