Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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