My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize