i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
