I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
