please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Randomize
