I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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