Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
