just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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