I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
