I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
