Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
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You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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