I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
