I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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