Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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