i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
