his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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