what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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