i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize