Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
