im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
