Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize