get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
