How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
