He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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