I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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