Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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