She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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