Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
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So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
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As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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