Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
this boner is exhausting
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
