And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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