today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
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