what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
40s are totally the cure
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
