She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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