i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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