You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
