My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
