You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
My breasts were aching with rage.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
