My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
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just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
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They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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