so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
