I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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