I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Randomize
