dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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