I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
