He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
i believe in u and ur pee
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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